[INTRO MUSIC]
MIKE: Yeah, so the last thing that we did, whew boy. We’re going to get back into this scene now. Definitely no Refresh for you, because this is a direct continuation. Yeah, so Christine, Desdemona just opened her mouth and Mr. Jack’s voice kind of came out. So, that’s a fun thing that’s happening now. You are very much still aware of what is happening around you, you just don’t necessarily have direct control over the things you’re saying.
CHRISTINE: She probably has this horrified look on her face and tries to slap her hands over her mouth. I don’t know if she can or not, but.
MIKE: Yeah, she can do that, at which point you hear yourself saying, “Really? Come on. That’s childish.”
CHRISTINE: Her eyes are probably going to go big then and she’s probably going to try to see if she can’t run out of the shed.
MIKE: Okay, well an FBI agent is going to attempt to grab you as you are—
THOM: An FBI agent has a gun to the back of his head.
MIKE: Oh, he does!
THOM: Yeah, Albion never moved the gun from the back of his head. He’s been pressing it there.
MIKE: Oh, that’s true. Okay, so—
DARIUS: And I punch him.
MIKE: Yeah, I think then he’s going to refrain from attempting that course of action, given the circumstances. So, yeah, he is going to actually talk to you now, Albion, and I’m going to have to roll something here, because it’s Social conflict, baby! He is not looking at you, obviously, but he is speaking directly to you and saying, “I’m the head that you got the gun pointed at right now?”
THOM: I’m sorry, what is the roll he’s making here?
MIKE: He is attempting to intimidate you.
THOM: What should I combat that with? Can I combat that with Discipline?
MIKE: In this case, it’s going to be a Discipline roll to basically keep your nerve, because he is going to—he’s attempting to insinuate some things with a little bit of his fear power, so let’s go.
THOM: Alrighty, that is a plus two, so that is a five Discipline.
MIKE: Cool! He rolled absolute trash.
DARIUS: Ha ha ha ha.
THOM: So, yeah.
MIKE: That time it did not work.
THOM: “Yeah, this is the head I got the gun pointed at.”
MIKE: “She’s not even in control of her full self right now, Albion. It’s worse than it’s ever been.”
THOM: “I wonder whose fucking fault that is, huh?”
DARIUS: Is she running?
MIKE: Yes.
DARIUS: I will pursue.
MIKE: Okay.
THOM: “So, not only did you try to create yourself a neat little opportunity to get my friend alone to interrogate her about the thing in her head, and oh, I guess accidentally draw it the fuck out, you also forcibly opened the mind of Ditko to it!”
MIKE: “I didn’t do anything of the sort. I just explained some things about the universe to him.”
THOM: “You and I both know that’s bullshit.”
MIKE: “Do we? You were very much in that room as I recall, so obviously you know how things happened.”
THOM: “Yeah, I do, and I know you explained the thing that you told me that I can’t ever tell anyone else.”
MIKE: He is going to slowly turn around. His hands aren’t moving in any meaningful way, he is simply turning to face you. The gun is now pointing in his face. I assume pressed right up against it.
THOM: Yeah, he also sees both of Albion’s eyes are blazing silver right now, the right brighter than the other one to the point where it almost looks like there’s a band of fire forming an eyepatch across his face.
MIKE: Okay, he is going to attempt to break your resolve with his Incite Emotion power by looking at you, having a gun in his face, and showing no fear whatsoever, and he just says, “When I joined this little group of ours, I knew that the only way it was going to end for me was when I died. Are you ready to accept the same? Are you ready right now,” and he’s looking you dead in the eyes and going to attempt to incite fear.
THOM: Cool. What am I rolling to defend? Discipline?
MIKE: Discipline again.
DARIUS: Yeah.
THOM: Alright, plus three. Six.
MIKE: Yeah, he is rolling absolute shit tonight. That was a four.
DARIUS: Ruh-roh.
THOM: Okay, Albion also doesn’t waver. “I made the choice. I’m willing to bet you did too. You didn’t give him that choice.”
MIKE: “I’ll give you a different choice right now. I walk away, or I put you away for threatening a federal agent.”
THOM: I’m going to make an Intimidation check, actually.
MIKE: Oh, well okay. You’re going to attempt to intimidate him. How are you doing it?
THOM: With my words.
MIKE: Yes, I know, I mean tell me what you’re doing.
THOM: I would also like to spend a Fate Point to use Person of Conviction on this one—or sorry, Righteousness. So, I can add my Conviction to it.
MIKE: Okay, so tell me what’s happening.
THOM: Albion is going to be like, “How about I give you a choice myself? Either you quit the backstabbing, opportunistic double-dealing bullshit and work with us, or you fuck back off where you came from.”
MIKE: Okay, yeah, you’re definitely trying to intimidate him, so give me that roll and you’re spending a Fate Point to add Conviction, huh?
THOM: Yep.
MIKE: Okay, great. Are you trying to put a maneuver on him, or are you trying to just deal him Social damage?
THOM: I am trying to wipe the smugness out of him and make him realize that he has pushed too far.
MIKE: So, is this an attack then?
THOM: Unless there’s a maneuver to make him suddenly have a heart.
MIKE: I don’t think so.
THOM: Alright, no.
MIKE: This sounds very much like you are attempting to socially overwhelm him with various pressures and try to take him out of the scene, which would be something that you would have to do through an attack, so let’s go.
THOM: Alright. That is only a plus two, but that is plus seven, so that is nine. Sorry, not plus seven. Plus five, so that is seven.
MIKE: Okay, well he definitely did not manage to beat that, especially when he rolled completely flat, so he is going to take a four stress Social hit. Oh boy, okay.
THOM: I just hold the eye contact. “Everything you’ve done so far—“ Sorry, go ahead.
MIKE: Thom, are you going to try to actually put a Consequence on him with this, or are you just going to let this be a smack of four Social damage?
THOM: Are you asking me if I’m going to use another Fate Point?
MIKE: I am, actually.
THOM: Yeah, I’m going to do Protective Streak A Mile Long as my Fate Aspect I’m invoking.
MIKE: Okay, cool. So, you get to put a Mild Social Consequence on Agent Pyburn.
THOM: Yeah, when he hears my voice at this point, it’s like he’s hearing a double voice right now where it’s Albion’s voice but it is also something much older, stronger, and arguably angrier than Albion talking.
MIKE: Okay, so what is the Mild Consequence that you would like to inflict, this Mild Social Consequence?
THOM: Realizing The Depth Of The Situation.
MIKE: I see, okay.
THOM: “Every time we’ve crossed paths, it’s been you who’s needed us. Every time you’ve tried to find some way to worm something you wanted out of us. It stops. Either you’re with us, or you’re gone.”
MIKE: That is absolutely a threat, so make me an Intimidation check off of that.
THOM: Again?
DARIUS: Yeah.
MIKE: Yep, because you’re continuing to fight him.
THOM: Alrighty, that is a plus two, so that’s not as—it’s going to be an eight this time.
MIKE: Jesus!
THOM: Sorry, not an eight, hold on.
GWEN: Oh my god.
THOM: Seven still.
MIKE: Are you taking the free tag of your—
THOM: Yeah, that gives me plus four, right?
MIKE: No that’s a Mild, it’s two.
THOM: Yeah, I’m taking the free tag.
MIKE: So, what is your total?
THOM: That would put me at nine.
MIKE: Okay, he’s rolling against a nine and good, he ended up with three.
THOM: Alright.
MIKE: So, that would roll off, and he doesn’t have a Mild to take anymore, so he has to take a Moderate Social Consequence or be taken out of the scene immediately. He is going to choose to be taken out so that you don’t have anything further on him. Give me the overall gist of how he is being taken out here, and then I will narrate his exit.
DARIUS: Bonk.
THOM: I think he’s being taken out of the scene, but I don’t think he’s going to leave, per se. By “taken out of the scene”, I think he’s going to be taken out as an antagonistic force. I think that’s what I’m going for, for him to sort of back down from his all-powerful “I can have you arrested” situation and more of a realizing sort of the position not only that he’s put us in, but that he’s put himself in by pushing this as far as he has.
MIKE: Yeah, so he’s being taken out of the scene, so he has to be a complete non-presence or leave.
THOM: Alright, cool. Yeah, so I think he’s going to back off for now, but here’s what’s going to happen.
MIKE: Okay.
THOM: Yeah, so Albion just is going to hold the gaze and just—
MIKE: So, he’s been taken out of this scene and he cannot re-enter it, so he is going to weigh some options and he’s going to—he just says to you, “If I back away, you wouldn’t shoot me right now, yes?”
THOM: “No. No, I wouldn’t.”
MIKE: “Okay, great, that’s what I thought, but I’m not a fan of surprises.” So, he is going to pull—he’s going to put his back away from you a bit and put a hand into his coat pocket and he’s going to pull out that little recorder that he had that he was playing a tape on, and he’s just going to press stop, so that recording button clicks back off, and he’s going to put that back into his pocket and just say. “Alright, good to know where we stand right now. Anyway,” and he’s just going to turn around and start walking away.
THOM: As he just walks away, “One final note. You come near anyone under our protection again, we have a repeat of this conversation.”
MIKE: He has pulled the little recorder out and hit the repeat again—sorry, hit the record again. Visibly, not even hiding it, and then when you’re done, clicks stop again, puts it back in his pocket and just sort of puts his arm in the air as a sort of little, “Yeah, I get it, bye,” kind of wave, not turning around to look at you, and he makes his way to his vehicle. Meanwhile, we have Sly and Desdemona. So, Des, you were running out of this particular confrontation, and Sly was giving chase, so explain to me what’s going on here, Darius.
DARIUS: Is Des running or what?
CHRISTINE: Des is kind of moving very fast and she’s actually picked out a location on the farm where she’s heading towards, and at the same time, she kind of has her hands over her mouth, but she’s kind of going, “No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.”
DARIUS: Okay, so she’s not running, she’s speed walking.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, she actually has a place where she’s heading towards that Sylvester doesn’t know about it, but she’s heading towards where Annie gets locked up during the full moon.
DARIUS: Oh, okay. So, I’m still following. She hasn’t gone out of sight yet, right?
MIKE: No no no, you can easily catch Des.
DARIUS: Okay.
MIKE: It won’t even be a big deal for you.
DARIUS: Zoom. So, can I sprint real quick and then just walk beside her as she’s going “no no no no no?”
MIKE: Yeah.
DARIUS: Yay!
MIKE: You don’t even have to make a roll for that.
DARIUS: Awesome, I’ma do that.
MIKE: Okay. Well, you’ve done it.
DARIUS: Yay, I’ve done it. Hey, it’s me again.
MIKE: Des, coming out of your mouth, we have, “Oh, good. Great. Just the one I wanted to see.”
CHRISTINE: “Don’t you talk to him!”
DARIUS: “What’s up, Jackeline?”
CHRISTINE: “No, neither of you talk to each other. No, no, Sly, I need you to do something for me.”
DARIUS: “What?”
CHRISTINE: “I’m going to need you to help me close a few doors, please. I’m just going to go be safe from everyone else for a little bit.”
MIKE: Your own voice starts saying, “No, that won’t be necessary. I’ve made my point.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, I guess you have.”
MIKE: “You stay the fuck out of this.”
DARIUS: “I’m standing right here, bitch.”
MIKE: “This isn’t between you and me.”
CHRISTINE: Des is just going to crumble to the ground and start rocking back and forth.
DARIUS: “Well, color me nosy.”
MIKE: You hear a voice now, Des, inside your own head. He’s not making you talk anymore, and he just says, “Oh, he is so fucking nosy.”
DARIUS: “I know you’re talking shit about me inside of there.”
MIKE: “Oh, fuck off.”
DARIUS: [Laughter] predictable fucking bitch.
MIKE: “Can you plug your ears, please?”
CHRISTINE: “I’d still take him over you any day of the week, Jack.”
MIKE: “Well, you know I don’t actually have an answer for that, nor do I think I need to provide one. MY work here is done. I’m going to leave.”
CHRISTINE: “What’s it going to take to make you go away forever? To leave me alone?”
MIKE: “You have too much debt to ask that right now.”
CHRISTINE: “Then what can I do to get rid of the debt?”
MIKE: “Oh I think the next time an opportunity comes to pay it down, you’ll recognize it.”
CHRISTINE: “Yep, more vague, obtuse answers. Just go do your little disappearing act and pop out at the worst possible moment. I’ll see you then.”
DARIUS: “Hey, you still talking to your loan shark?”
CHRISTINE: “I wish he was a loan shark.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, because then we could break his knees.”
CHRISTINE: “Yes, then we could let you break his knees.”
DARIUS: “Yay. I’ve done that before, it’s fun. They go crunch.”
MIKE: You aren’t hearing Mr. Jack in your head at this time.
CHRISTINE: She’s going to just kind of lie on the grass now, kind of supine.
DARIUS: Sly will have a seat beside her, and he has to pull his coat up a bit so he doesn’t sit on the coattails, because it’s always weird when you do that with a coat.
GWEN: Does Ro see this happening, Des on the ground?
MIKE: If you decide to walk out and look that way, yeah.
GWEN: Okay, yeah, I’m going to do that, and without hesitation, Ro is laying on the ground next to Des, not talking.
MIKE: Okay.
CHRISTINE: Des is going to reach out and hold Ro’s hand.
GWEN: Best friends. She gets a gentle pat on top of her hand and they just hang out there for a bit.
THOM: At this point am I still yelling at Pyburn, or am I able to join the scene?
MIKE: That’s basically concluded, but you—
DARIUS: Yeah, he slithered the fuck off a while ago I assume.
MIKE: This was happening semi-simultaneously.
DARIUS: Ah okay.
MIKE: But you, Albion, have a very large man behind you.
THOM: “Hey, I’m sorry you had to see that, Paul.
CAM: “Yep.”
THOM: “So, I assume you know about White Court vampires.”
CAM: “I know that you called him by that name, yep.”
THOM: “Yep, that fella is one of them, and he has been an asset in the past, but he’s also an opportunistic shark in the water. Any scent of blood he gets he’s charging after.”
CAM: “Ain’t all politicians that way?”
THOM: “That’s fair I guess. In any case, are my eyes still doing the thing?” They are still doing the thing because he’s still holding Gungnir.
CAM: “Yes sir, your eyes are glowing with an unnatural pallor.”
THOM: “Oh shit.” Albion holsters Gungnir and the eyes just poof go back to normal. “Yeah, anyway, I do appreciate your help and I’m sorry you had to walk into that situation.”
MIKE: Paul’s going to shrink down so that he’s more about your size and look you up and down, and he’s going to ask, “That is a mighty fine firearm that you carry there. You mind if I take a gander at her?”
THOM: “You know, normally I’d be a little more hesitant, but for some reason I feel like I can trust you, Mr. Bunyan.”
CAM: “[Laughter] I sure hope that you feel that way given that you willingly followed me through the Nevernever.”
THOM: “Yeah, that does in fact help, yeah.” Albion’s going to draw it out, flip it in his hand so that the holster is aiming towards him. Safety on, obviously.
DARIUS: Safety first!
MIKE: He’s just going to quickly appraise it, look at it, and just sort of make a mental note of a few things and he just sort of looks at you. Again, he is now a man of about your size, and he just sort of looks you up and down again and just sort of gives you a little nonverbal cue that he doesn’t need to take it from you, he’s seen what he needs to see—
THOM: Alright, back in the holster
MIKE: --and he just says,
CAM: “It turns out we’re all beholden to something, aren’t we?”
THOM: “Yep, we are in some way or another, ain’t we?”
CAM: “And I thought the power I was wrapped up in was in a right fine mess, but one thinks that perhaps you’ll be lucky to reach the same old age as I.”
THOM: “I wouldn’t count on that. I don’t know if my luck’s going to run that long.”
CAM: “[Laughter] well, if there’s any way I can swing the tides of chance in your favor with me and Babe, well, we’ll see if we cross paths again. I do have other matters to attend to. It is getting harder and harder for old August to take care of everything on his lonesome, after all.”
THOM: “Yeah, you tell that old fella that we’re very grateful and we do owe him a fine drink or two, maybe even a maple creamie if he comes back our way.”
CAM: “The fact that you can… ah. Iced creams, truly a wonderful delicacy.”
THOM: “By god, they are. By every god and every man, they are a gift from the heavens.”
CAM: “No, they’re a gift from the earth, my child. A gift from the water and the salt and the cream of the cow.”
THOM: “Okay, when you put it that way, yeah, that is very literally what they are. I was speaking hyperbolically.”
CAM: “Oh, I’m plenty well aware of that manner of which you speak, but I should remind you that all that we have either comes from this earth or from somewhere beyond. Ain’t good to get the two confused.”
THOM: “You know, I feel like it is very apt that I’m getting a life lesson from Paul Bunyan because of ice cream.”
MIKE: Paul’s just going to look at you and let out a big old lumberjack laugh and then just say—
CAM: “[Laughter] alright now, I may not have Irish ancestry, but I understand the way them folks do depart from parties, so.”
MIKE: --and he just whips open a gate into the Nevernever and says—
CAM: “Come, Babe.”
MIKE: And walks off.
THOM: I give him a little two finger salute as he leaves.
MIKE: And you just hear him humming to himself as he goes back away into the Nevernever, and a very large blue ox shrinks down to fit into the gap and then comes back up in size quite suddenly again on the other side as Paul Bunyan, the living legend, makes his way and the door closes behind him.
THOM: “Ah man, ah shit, I didn’t get Sly’s autograph. Fuck! Alright, I should go check on the others.”
MIKE: So, yeah. Everybody’s finally together again.
DARIUS: Yay.
THOM: “Des, I chased Pyburn off. I think we’re in the clear for now.”
DARIUS: “Hey, where’s Paul?”
MIKE: You can currently hear his car is turned on and is actually leaving.
CHRISTINE: “I’m sorry about what happened.”
THOM: “I don’t think you owe us an apology.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.”
THOM: “Also, Bunyan had to see to some stuff, so he’s off.”
DARIUS: “Did you get my autograph?”
THOM: “I fucking forgot, I’m so sorry.”
DARIUS: “You suck. Anyway, what are we—“
MIKE: You’re interrupted as from just a little ways over on the farm, there is a noise that I can only describe as when reality opens up and from the other side, sort of Paul just sort of hunches down to make his way through and go—
CAM: “Oh heavens, I knew there was something I was forgetting. Do y’all have any sort of parchment and quill available to you?”
DARIUS: “Yes.” Sly takes a notepad and a pen out of his jacket and hands it to Paul.
MIKE: Paul, who is still quite overlarge takes the extremely tiny writing implement by compare and just sort of puts it in two fingers and then just says—
CAM: “Oh, this is a trouble.”
MIKE: --and then sort of reverts to regular man size and then goes—
CAM: “Actually what would you prefer this from? Paul Bunyan of lore?”
DARIUS: “Yes!”
MIKE: He goes back to his eight foot plus tall sort of height and just scribbles his own John Hancock on there—
DARIUS: Yeah!
MIKE: --and you are handed back something with a very actually nice cursive, all things considered.
DARIUS: “Holy shit.”
MIKE: It says, “From Paul Buyan.”
DARIUS: “Nice, thank you.”
CAM: “I may know better than any of you here that it’s no good to owe favors to others.”
DARIUS: “Yeah.”
MIKE: And he chuckles and just sort of says—
CAM: “Anyway.”
MIKE: --and just walks away again into that little rift and just whoop, sort of causally dismisses it behind him and it’s gone.
DARIUS: “See you! I like him. Oh, right, what was I going to say? Shit. What are we going to do about ‘you know who’? Because Albion, you said you had a way to kill him or something?”
THOM: “I said that we can hurt him.”
DARIUS: “Okay.”
THOM: “I don’t think I would go so far as to say I have a plan to kill him.”
DARIUS: “Well that’s okay. I mean, we just kind of wing plans and it’s been working well so far. So, what do we do?”
THOM: “Yeah, I don’t know if this is a situation where winging it’s going to work. He doesn’t really follow our rules.”
DARIUS: “Well we don’t have to follow his.”
THOM: “That’s fair.”
DARIUS: “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what dimension he comes from, he’s a fucking scumbag loan shark.”
THOM: “Well, let’s get ourselves a big enough baseball bat that you can break his knees.”
DARIUS: “Yes. Yes, let’s do that.”
MIKE: Hey, Ro, I’m going to have you roll a quick—I’m going to say Scholarship to just sort of remember something really quickly. It’s a target of I’m going to say two.
GWEN: Alright, well that’s a three, baby!
MIKE: Incredible. You have successfully remembered something.
GWEN: Great.
MIKE: You know that He Who Walks Within has been clearly in Des’s head for a lot of the time, and has also been in Sly’s head, you had that revelation now, but also he’s been in your head. Has he ever been in Albion’s?
GWEN: “Hey, Albion?”
THOM: Yep?”
GWEN: So, hold on, out of character real quick, the name He Who Walks Within—it’s been established that any time we talk about Mr. Jack, that’s what Ro hears now.
MIKE: Correct.
GWEN: Is there consequence to Ro saying that out loud or I don’t know?
MIKE: Ro is going to—you are going to have to roll a very difficult Lore check or be sort of running blind on that, because you are very unlikely to know.
GWEN: I’m just going to—okay, I figured. So, we know that—“I know you guys are using his other name, but Mr. Jack, I’ll say—“
THOM: “No, that’s what we’ve been calling him.”
CHRISTINE: “What do you mean, other name?”
GWEN: “You’ve been saying He Who Walks Within.”
THOM: “We definitely have not been saying that.”
CHRISTINE: “No.”
DARIUS: “Have you been hearing that?”
GWEN: Ro’s just looking at all three of them in their eyes one at a time.
THOM: Albion does not look like he’s fucking with you.
DARIUS: Neither does Sly, which is odd.
GWEN: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: “I’ve only ever known him as Mr. Jack.”
GWEN: “Okay.”
CHRISTINE: “Look at my mouth, Mr. Jack.”
DARIUS: Sly’s going to write it on the pad, the non-Bunyan side.
MIKE: At this point, you are now actually hearing the things that they’re saying, and it is lining up appropriately now.
DARIUS: Okay, cool.
GWEN: Okay. “Weird.”
MIKE: There is this little voice in the back of your head that is echoing its name, but you can’t tell if that’s just you remembering that as sort of a memory trigger or if it’s something else. There’s no way for you to really know right now, but you can actually hear them saying Mr. Jack or He Who Walks Within, whichever one they say.
GWEN: Okay. “Well, we know that he’s interacted with all of us, but has he ever been in your head, Albion?”
THOM: “No, not that I can recall. He hasn’t talked to me in here yet, no.” Albion taps his head a couple times. “Way I figure, it might be because I got someone else up there, but the other fellow ain’t quite as talkative.”
GWEN: “Okay.”
CHRISTINE: “That raven did scare him off for a while.”
GWEN: “We’ll just have to be extra careful, because you’ve got a lot of stuff up there I don’t want him to access.”
THOM: “You know, yeah, that’s very fair. There’s a lot of stuff in there I don’t want him touching either, but also, I don’t know if it’s because I saw what he really is. Before you joined up, Ro, there was a time when Marcus was still with us, and Des and Sylvester and I were under a bridge trying to track down some shenanigans that ended up being a troll and those hags that we met early on in your run with us, but I heard Des talking to herself and I just on instinct felt something was up, so I took a peek with the Sight and“ Albion visibly winces, “yeah, I saw Mr. Jack, and it fucked with me. You know how I was seeing Cagney for therapy? That is why.”
DARIUS: “Oh.”
THOM: “Yeah, no, because if I see something with,” Albion taps his forehead, “the third eye, it does not ever go away. You remember something and that image might fade over time, it might become duller impressions of what you once saw. A face fades over time, but every time I think about him, I see exactly what I saw, exactly as if I just saw it, and it has taken a lot of goddamn work to not have that just setting me into a panic every time.”
GWEN: “Des?”
CHRISTINE: “Yeah?”
GWEN: “Do you remember meeting him?”
CHRISTINE: “I do.”
GWEN: “Have you ever seen him?”
CHRISTINE: “Only how he appears to me.”
GWEN: “Okay.”
CHRISTINE: “I’ve not seen him with the Sight.”
MIKE: You saw him once when he did jump out of you and eat a monster directly in front of you all at once, and then he picked you up and threw you.
DARIUS: Oh yeah.
MIKE: That is the only time that you have actually seen what Mr. Jack may or may not look like, and that is the only time any of you have had a glimpse of Mr. Jack in the real world. All the rest of you have had looks at him either as sort of a shade or an illusion or whatever he’s choosing to show.
CHRISTINE: I wasn’t aware that that was—I was seeing something differently there, sorry. “I’ve only ever seen him as he’s chosen to appear to me, except for that time when I saw him consume that Algonquian monster whole, and that left an impression.”
GWEN: When that happened, that was Des and Ro who saw it. Did Sly or Albion see it? I think Sly was in the car already, so he probably didn’t see it.
MIKE: I think Ro only got a passing glimpse of it.
GWEN: Yeah, it wasn’t a lot.
DARIUS: No.
MIKE: Yeah, it was kind of difficult for you at the time to even comprehend what you were looking at, because it was very misshapen and moving very, very fast in a chaotic moment, so the memory that you have of it is very, very difficult to properly focus on, because yeah, that whole experience was traumatic, not just that, and it was almost impossible to understand what you were looking at in the moment, let alone recollect.
GWEN: Okay.
MIKE: Behind you, you hear a door sort of—the hinges squeak and then a door slowly close behind you. If anyone turns to look, they will see John, the sort of head of the werewolf farm de facto—
THOM: The dad.
MIKE: Yeah, kind of walking a little bit your direction, but not leaving the porch. He’s not going to—he’s going to try to keep a little bit of a distance at the moment, all things considered, and he just sort of looks over at the group, sees the four of you sitting there on the ground more or less around Des and just says, “Hey, so is everything done?”
THOM: “I mean, yeah. The spook left, Paul Bunyan left, we’re all still around.”
DARIUS: “I think he missed that part.”
MIKE: “I’m sorry, yeah, that was—he did have a big blue—wow, okay.”
DARIUS: “I’m just going to show him the autograph.”
MIKE: “Oh!” He’s going to walk a little closer toward you to understand what you are—what he’s looking at, and, “Oh yeah, that’s very fancy cursive that says Paul Bunyan. Okay.”
[MUSIC FADES IN]
MIKE: “Paul Bunyan. You know what? I will ask you about this later.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
[MUSIC; EPISODE BREAK]
MIKE: [singing] And not long ago, this phenomenal cat produced a podcast and break right out of his hat, and we all say, "Oh why never was there ever a GM best friend and cat so clever as magical Michael Mistoffelees!” I’ve been workshopping that one. I think I might need to take it back to the drawing board. This guy named Andrew keeps calling my phone and leaving me angry voicemails, so I need to figure out what that’s about. Anyway, hi everybody, thank you so much for listening to the episode and putting up with my nonsense yet again! Sincerely, thank you all for listening. It is a genuine pleasure to get to make a thing that you enjoy and to get that feedback of, “Hey, excited for the next episode,” or people talking in our spoiler chat channel about stuff that happened. It’s still a thing that’s still cool. It’s still so cool. So cool. I will never get over it, probably forever. So, I’m going to jump back a second to Cats, because hey, remember that time they made a movie? About Cats? It was called Cats, and it was in 2019 and it was, um, a fever dream. I haven’t seen it, but I have heard everyone on earth talk about it who has, so I figure if anyone’s ever going to go watch Cats now that hasn’t seen it already, they should be prepared, and the best way to prepare for a night of watching a couple hours of terrifying human-cat hybrids that sometimes take off their clothes and sometimes those clothes are their fur—looking at you, Rebel Wilson—and sometimes it’s dame Judy Dench just sort of singing a song about how a cat is not a dog. I feel like that might be an experience that is improved with the addition of some wine from Wine Insiders, because they’re an online wine retailer committed to better wine, delivered. So, you don’t even have to go out and get it. You can just stay in your home with the cats and the wine. You can skip the store and get convenient and safe delivery straight to your door and you get free, fast shipping on six-plus bottles. If you are going to really tuck in for those good, good James Corden improvs and Steven McRae stopping and starting over and over again with that one song that I was referring to earlier, yeah maybe you will need all six bottles. I don’t know, I’m not your dad. I don’t know what you do with your life. Anyway, that’s a thing that you could do, however. Have some Cats and wine and cats. Never leave your home again because your brain will have been fried by the Cats, but you’ll have all this good wine to keep you company from Wine Insiders. I would love to once again say a special thanks to Cam Clark for voicing Paul Bunyan. Absolute delight to work with them, and you can check them out on Once upon a Monster of the Week, which is a TTRPG condensed into an audio drama about a small weird town in the northeast where supernatural creatures may or may not exist. The podcast has currently aired the first and part of the second mystery. They have rotating groups that come in and play, and Cam is going to be in the next one, so look forward to that on Once upon a Monster of the Week if you enjoyed hearing them on our podcast, because I know I sure did, and if you want to check out all of their stuff, maybe hit them up and say, “Hey, you were awesome on that show,” that is P-O-C-C-E-T-O on twitter, which is pockets-otologist. So, Pocceto? I don’t know how to pronounce that right. P-O-C-C-E-T-O on Twitter. And as always, a big thanks to the Pocket Podcast Network. Speaking of pocket-based things with names, they have wonderfully hosted our show for—wow, almost two and a half years, which I’m super-duper grateful for everything today and always, and for the other great shows that exist on our network that we get to share a home with, including Steampunks and No Dice and Colt Classics, The Ghoul Tank, Home Viewing, Them’s the Facts, oh man, there’s so much good stuff. And lest we forget, Sorted and Pokémakers, I’m going to be on every single one of these shows. I think I’m only missing one at this point. It’s going to happen, I swear to G. If you are enjoying our silly little podcast, you can tell the world that you’re enjoying our silly little podcast by doing one of the only things on Twitter that isn’t going to make me want to tear my fucking hair out: tweeting about our show and saying things about it using the hashtag GMMCast, because hey, there’s only two, maybe three things that Twitter is good for, and that’s maybe two of them. We also are on Facebook at GMMCast as well. See previous rant again if you wish. You can just hit the back 30 seconds button and get the same kind of thing, but preferentially we have a Discord server, the link to which is in the episode description, which is a much more cool hang. It’s a much more chill hang where we can talk about fun stuff and videogames and share memes and play Jackbox and just kind of have fun, man. Just enjoy the vibes. Enjoy the vibes in a Discord server. There’s no pressure. You can chill. I have a lot of it muted myself, but I’m still checking it constantly because hey, it’s my server. I’ll do what I want. Why did I get combative just now at the call to action? I’m ruining it. I’m going to just stop ruining things and go back to me ruining things. No, that's too mean of me to say to myself. I think I need to go look at myself in the mirror for an hour and really think about where I am in life right now, so I’ll let you get back to the episode. Bye! [singing] He can pick any card from a pack. He is equally cunning with dice...
[MUSIC; AD FOR THEM’S THE FACTS]
JOHN: Hi, I’m John.
GABE: I’m Gabe.
CHRIS: I’m Chris.
JOHN: We’re three friends who went to college together. Hey Gabe, did you know that Akira Kurosawa has a writing credit on Star Wars?
GABE: I didn’t know that.
JOHN: Good, because I made it up.
CHRIS: I have one. The creator of the Frisbee made his ashes into a commemorative run of Frisbees.
JOHN: I don’t believe you.
CHRIS: That’s 100% real, my dude.
GABE: Them’s The Facts is a show about fun facts and lying to your friends.
CHRIS: Every other Wednesday.
JOHN: On the Pocket Podcast Network.
[END OF BREAK]
MIKE: “Yeah, so Agent Pyburn’s gone, huh?”
DARIUS: “Yep.”
THOM: “Yeah, I advised him it would be the wiser choice.”
MIKE: “You know he’s an FBI Agent, yes?”
THOM: “I’m aware.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, I am also aware.”
MIKE: “And you convinced him that it was in his best interest—okay, I’m not even going to ask how that went down right now.”
DARIUS: “I mean, I punched him.”
MIKE: “Jesus Christ.”
DARIUS: “I never punch anybody.”
MIKE: “Yeah, no, you’re known for your feets of fury.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, the idea was I didn’t want to kill him.”
MIKE: “Okay, I can’t tell how serious you’re being with that, so I’m just going to skip over that for a moment.”
DARIUS: Thousand yard stare. Seriously serious.
MIKE: “Des?”
CHRISTINE: “Yeah?”
MIKE: “Are you okay?”
CHRISTINE: “Yeah,” and she’s actually going to sit up and start walking towards the house.
MIKE: “Oh yeah, okay, yeah.” He’s kind of positioning himself at the bottom of the steps to the porch to sort of not actually be a physical barrier, but imply the sort of barrier there, because he saw things go down with you and Wes and does not know how that’s going to conclude right now, so he is quite nervous and he’s just like, “Oh, okay, yeah. Do you need anything? I can go inside and get whatever you need.”
CHRISTINE: “I would like to speak to Wes, please.”
MIKE: “Fuck.”
DARIUS: “Wait, what did Wes do?”
MIKE: “Oh boy.” He’s just pinching his forehead just like, “Oh, he might have tried to kill Pyburn.”
DARIUS: “I’m so proud.”
CHRISTINE: “No, you’re not going to encourage this kind of behavior!”
THOM: “Holy fucking shit, he what?”
DARIUS: “Fine. I hate this family.”
MIKE: John is just looking between the lot of you and once again sort of wondering what life choices led him to this moment. “Yep, I can’t stop you. He’s just inside in the living room. You know where that is.”
CHRISTINE: She walks into the house like a woman on a mission.
MIKE: You hear behind you just a quiet stream of curses.
DARIUS: I’m going to follow because I want to see this.
GWEN: I’m also following.
DARIUS: Yeah!
GWEN: Never seen an angry Des.
THOM: “Well, I guess I’m going to follow and try and do damage control.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, okay.”
MIKE: So, Des, there in the living room is Wesley, who is sitting—he’s still sitting in his wheelchair and he is clearly in some pretty serious discomfort given the shit he just pulled, and then that physical discomfort turns to a much deeper shade of discomfort as he realizes that you have entered the house and are walking toward him, and he is going to try to look you in the eye and fail. He just sort of curls up in himself a little bit.
THOM: Is he crying?
MIKE: Not presently.
CHRISTINE: Des is going to sit across from Wes and she’s going to kind of lean forward with her elbows on her knees, and she’s not even really going to be looking at Wes, and she’s just going to start with. “So, I’ve had a bit of a day and I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now, and I’m going to try my best to not take it out on you right now, and if I do end up that way, I apologize in advance. I’m going to try to keep in check here, but what the hell was that, Wes?”
MIKE: “Oh, that was me turning into a werewolf and jumping an FBI Agent.”
CHRISTINE: “And why did we turn into a werewolf and jump at an FBI Agent?”
MIKE: “Because,” he’s still deliberately looking down and away, “because I thought he was threatening you.”
CHRISTINE: “You do realize that that was reckless and dangerous and absolutely unnecessary, right?”
MIKE: “Well, when somebody threatens a member of your pack, that doesn’t stand.”
DARIUS: “Well said.”
CHRISTINE: “Wes.”
MIKE: “Yes?”
CHRISTINE: “Your pack has had to deal with a loss of Clyde not that long ago.”
MIKE: He just sort of slumps.
CHRISTINE: “They already almost lost you even more recently once. I am not worth you having a death wish, because if you do, you might as well find what tree you want to be buried under.”
[MUSIC FADES IN]
MIKE: “Okay, wow.”
CHRISTINE: “Nobody wants to lose you. I know that it was a heat of the moment thing, but you have got to be more careful.”
MIKE: He’s going to actually finally look up at you and he’s going to say, “Okay, you want to talk about self-worth? You want to talk about that right now? You can’t tell me that you’re not worth risking my life for. Ask anyone else in this room.”
DARIUS: “You know, I was just about to say something, but you took the words right out of my mouth, man.”
MIKE: “I couldn’t be there. I couldn’t be there to save Clyde. None of us could. We’ve lost a lot of people, lost a lot of friends, and yeah, you’re not the only one who has to deal with that kind of fear all the time, and outside of just us here, you’re the closest thing that I feel to family. You all have been here for us even when we didn’t trust you and you didn’t trust us. Except for you, Ro. You’re exempt.”
GWEN: Ro just nods very softly.
DARIUS: “You’re not wrong.”
MIKE: “But you can’t come on—you can’t come to our house and tell me not to protect our guests, our friends, our pack.”
CHRISTINE: Des is a little moved by this and she’s going to just kind of quietly stand up and just kind of say, “Just be more careful next time,” and she’s going to walk out of the house quickly.
MIKE: Wes just sort of takes that emotion that had been building there and just sort of slumps back into his chair with it, clearly wincing as he does because he did just strain his body in ways he absolutely should not have.
DARIUS: “Shit. Alright, man?”
MIKE: “No. No, doc, I got up out of my chair and I turned into a wolf and I jumped a man—”
DARIUS: “Oh fuck.”
MIKE: “—who I know is a vampire, and Des tried to stop me.”
DARIUS: “Shit. Well, on the one hand, I’m very proud of you. On the other hand, that was a real stupid fucking thing to do.”
MIKE: “Yeah. Yeah, I know.”
DARIUS: “Yeah.”
MIKE: “I don’t trust that son of a bitch as far as I can smell him.”
DARIUS: “Hey, you want to see something cool?”
MIKE: “What?”
DARIUS: Sly’s going to show the fist that he punched Pyburn with that still has that cocksucker’s blood on it.
MIKE: He looks and he just [sniffing], “Really?”
DARIUS: “Yeah. It was a special occasion.”
MIKE: “I heard him leave.”
THOM: Albion’s just going to crouch, “Yeah, I may have put a gun to his face and told him to fuck off.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, but that’s not out of character.”
MIKE: “Yeah, no, that’s exactly expected. I just am amazed that you actually got a hit in on him and you’re—he’s the one who left and you’re still standing.”
DARIUS: “Well I wasn’t trying to kill the motherfucker yet.”
MIKE: “I was.”
DARIUS: “I know, but anyway—“
THOM: “Well, that would have brought a whole lot of trouble.”
DARIUS: “Yeah, anyway, we’re past—“
THOM: “So, I’m going to—I’m very glad you were there to stand up for Des. I’m also glad Des was there to make sure you didn’t actually kill the fucker.”
MIKE: “Yeah.”
DARIUS: “Yeah.”
MIKE: “Do you know how inadequate I feel? I’ve always felt inadequate. I finally found some people I could be useful with, and then that thing took that away from me for a little while even. It’s not been easy.”
DARIUS: “Yeah.”
MIKE: “Yeah.”
DARIUS: “Physically, nothing broken?”
MIKE: “No, no, no.”
DARIUS: “Just everything’s just kind of sore, right?”
MIKE: “Yeah, I don’t think I re-broke anything.”
DARIUS: “Okay.”
MIKE: “I mean, I’m at air cast point now, my guy.”
DARIUS: “Okay, okay. Alright, so just painkillers then, that’s fine.”
MIKE: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
DARIUS: “I can get you the 800mg ones.”
MIKE: “Oh my god, please do.”
DARIUS: “Oh yeah, I’ll get them to mail it to you house, that way you don’t have to pick them up or any of that shit.”
MIKE: “You’re a saint.”
DARIUS: “Thank you.”
MIKE: “Hey, could I ask a favor?”
DARIUS: “To me, or?”
THOM: “I don’t know, favors have a lot of weight around us recently.”
DARIUS: “Oh shut up.”
THOM: “Yeah, no, what do you need, Wes?”
MIKE: “Well, Sly, I feel like you might have the most leeway here. Could you get one of those just, kind of build something—you know those kits that you always see when you’re browsing Facebook or whatever?”
DARIUS: “What, like an Erector Set?”
MIKE: “No, it’s like you build something, and by the time it’s done it’s a functioning windmill or an instrument or whatever.”
THOM: “Do you want him to get you a Gundam or something? Because they have ‘build a Gundam’ things.”
MIKE: “No, it’s like a little more—“
DARIUS: “Like Lego Technic?”
MIKE: “No, a little more wooden.”
DARIUS: “Oh, I want to say Lincoln logs, but I know that’s wrong.”
THOM: “No, he means like those kits where you can build your own violin or fucking whatevers.”
DARIUS: “Oh, okay! Now I remember. Sorry, I had one as a kid that was a radio and you could actually use it as a radio station for AM stuff, but it only worked within 50 yards because it was a kids toy, so whatever. But yeah, I get what you mean. Sure.”
MIKE: “Yeah, yeah, actually something just like that. “
DARIUS: “Perfect.”
MIKE: “Yeah, I have been itching to put something back together.”
DARIUS: “Alright.” Sly’s going to pull out his phone and make an order right fucking now.
MIKE: Alright.
DARIUS: “And done.”
MIKE: Ro’s been just sort of there in the scene quietly.
DARIUS: Ro vibing.
GWEN: Yeah, she’s having a lot of thoughts and feelings about everything.
MIKE: Well why don’t you share some of those with the class?
GWEN: No.
THOM: You need more mic time, Ro!
MIKE: Yeah, that’s a good way to play in this narrative space with us and go, “I’m feeling a lot of things.”
GWEN: It’s improv!
MIKE: “Okay, what are they?” “Nah!”
GWEN: None of your business.
MIKE: Yeah, it might be none of my business, but it is the audience’s business.
THOM: Sure is a great way to contribute to this audio medium.
GWEN: Yeah.
MIKE: Yeah, if this was, I don’t know, a movie, we could just sort of look at your face and know everything we need, but it’s not, Gwen! It’s not!
GWEN: Wow, okay, I was letting this narrative shit play out, but fuck me I guess.
DARIUS: I know you can hear my thoughts.
THOM: Listen, this isn’t the Batman, you’re not fucking whatever his name is. Who’s the actor who played Edward Cullen?
DARIUS: Robert Englund?
MIKE: Robert Pattinson?
THOM: Yeah, this isn’t The Batman, you’re not Robert Pattinson, we can’t just see your face and know you’re sad.
GWEN: I’m brooding!
DARIUS: Robert Englund. Freddie Batman.
GWEN: Anyway.
MIKE: But Ro, tell us where you’re at.
GWEN: Yeah, okay. “Hey, Wes?”
MIKE: “Hey, hi, Ro.”
GWEN: “I need to ask you not a favor, but please I know you need to do what you need to do to keep your pack safe. Don’t let them lose you, okay?”
MIKE: He just sort of sits there and breathlessly nods for a moment and then just says, “Yeah, you do the same, okay?”
GWEN: “Yeah, I’ll try. There are enough of us to not have anyone make a big sacrifice, so just keep that in mind,” and Ro walks out and she’s going to go outside with Des.
MIKE: So, Des, what are you up to out there?
CHRISTINE: She’s just sitting on the porch and she’s just kind of sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, just kind of looking out at whatever’s in front of her.
MIKE: So, that’s how Ro finds you then, yeah.
GWEN: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, it’s quite pathetic.
GWEN: Well, Ro is going to plop down in the same position and rest her head on Des. “You had a big day there today, buddy.”
CHRISTINE: “It seems like every day is a big day lately.”
GWEN: “Well, one day maybe we’ll have some small days.”
CHRISTINE: “That would be nice. A little peace would be nice.”
GWEN: “You know we’re going to stop him, right?”
CHRISTINE: “Today I don’t feel like that.”
GWEN: “You don’t have to. You can feel however you want, but I think what just happened in there proves that we’ll make sure you’re okay, and if I have to trade places with you, I will, so.”
CHRISTINE: “Don’t you dare. No, because then you’ll have Pyburn coming after you when you’re alone.”
GWEN: “He’s a cop, I can handle it.”
CHRISTINE: “I wish I had your gumption, Ro.”
GWEN: “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Obviously I know the answer, but are you okay? Is there anything we can do to help, I guess? But given the situation I know, I just don’t want you to feel like this.”
CHRISTINE: “Change time so that I didn’t almost see a friend die and didn’t get almost murdered by an FBI agent vampire again today?”
GWEN: “I mean, something a little more attainable like cake. Do you want a movie?”
CHRISTINE: “Also, I owe Fendraliilu a favor.”
GWEN: “I mean, of all of the people to owe a favor to, just get them a pizza, they’ll be fine.”
CHRISTINE: “What if she wants to meet Mr. Jack or something? That’d be an interesting conversation, huh?”
GWEN: “It would be,” and I’m sure the powers that be would have a great time voicing them to each other.
CHRISTINE: And editing it too.
MIKE: How dare you.
THOM: This is the meta police, it’s gotten too meta!
MIKE: [Laughter] you’re under arrest for not really ending the sketch. You’ve just ended it by having the police show up. And then the police shows up behind him.
GWEN: No, no.
DARIUS: Oh no.
CHRISTINE: They’re out here punishing us for our cute crimes.
GWEN: Ro is going to stand up and hold both her hands out for Des to take them and guide her up.
CHRISTINE: Des will take them.
[MUSIC FADES IN]
GWEN: “Someone once told me that on terrible days it was okay to let yourself cry, to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on. So, we’re going to do that. Obviously, this is not a situation that we can just forget about or move on from, but we can move forward and we’re going to, okay? I’m here for you.”
CHRISTINE: “Thank you, Ro, and I’ll try to.”
GWEN: “Okay. Let’s go figure out how to get that bastard out of your brain.”
[OUTRO MUSIC]
GWEN: Homestar Runner as a defense attorney.
MIKE: Youw honor, if you would pwease—
THOM: [Laughter] oh no.
MIKE: If you would allow me to cwoss examine the witness, I think you’ll find that I can definitewy point out the point where they pewjured themselves when they murdered themselves.
THOM [in a Strong Bad voice]: Objection, your honor! Perjury? This is nonsense.
MIKE: Oh contwaire. Youw honor, my cwient couldn’t have committed the mowder, because I did the mowder. Anyway, that gets him Scott fwee. I’ll go to pwison now.
DARIUS: That’s one way to do it.
THOM [Strong Bad voice cont.]: Well then, I guess he’s paying my legal fees.
[MUSIC] Pocket Podcast Network. Quality programming, right to your pocket.
Transcribed by Nicholas Johnson (https://draconick.com/)
Twitter: @DraconickGaming